Needs and Values

It's been almost a week since the devastating earthquake in Christchurch in my country New Zealand and for many people life will never be the same. What a blessing that it occured at 4.30 in the morning and there was no loss of life. Looking at the physical destruction it is hard to believe there were no more injuries or fatalities. Being faced with a natural disaster in my own country made me think about our needs and values.

As humans we all have 4 basic needs - food, love, security and shelter. For many people in Christchurch some of these basic needs have been stripped from them and this has been emotionally upsetting. Our thoughts, prayers and best wishes go out to all these people as we as individuals who haven't been affected try to help each in our own way.

As unique individuals, all of us go through life with our own set of needs and values. Apart from the 4 basic ones I've mentioned above - do you know what your individual needs and values are? The reason I ask is because I've found that if you take the time to find out what they are - life tends to become easier to live. Our values are in essence what we stand for and they underpin our behaviours, decisions and actions. When you know (with all certainty) what your values and needs are decisions become easier to make - and this drives our behaviour and actions to be congruent with our values - thereby creating more happiness and joy.

I'm always surprised at how many people don't know what their values are - they have a "vague" idea - but if asked, find it difficult to articulate. If you can't reel off your top 5 values, can I suggest you take some time this week to contemplate what they are - a good starting point is to think about what really, really irritates you - the opposite is highly likely one of your top values! Another way to pinpoint your values is to think of people you admire and ask yourself why you admire them - again this will lead you to your own values. The wonderful thing about our needs and values is that there is no right or wrong - we just are who we are! Knowing that my five top needs and values are achievement, recognition, freedom, spirituality/transcendence and contribution/service helps me make decisions on a daily basis that brings more joy and happiness into my life. Have fun finding out what's important to you! .

Beliefs

Have you ever thought about what it is you really believe?
Our beliefs are formed during our lives – in the first instance they come from our parents, grandparents and other caregivers we had as children. Then as we grow up it is our teachers, bosses, mentors and own life experiences that further shape our belief system.
Looking back on my life my parents, and the church formed my early belief system.
My parents were Dutch immigrants to New Zealand. They arrived in the 1950s and had 8 children - I'm number 5! They were also very religious and our world revolved around family and church. Financially we were probably classed as "poor" but our home was always full of love with an open door for people who were in need.
Positive beliefs that were instilled into me at a very young age and that are still at the very core of my being now as an adult are:
Family – I believe family comes first.
Faith – I believe there is a God and that we are spiritual beings.
Generosity – I believe I have to share what I have with people who have less than me and
Being of Service – I believe I have a duty to be of service to the community I live in.
What positive beliefs did you inherit from your childhood - are they still relevant to you today?
The interesting thing about beliefs is that along with our positive beliefs we all hold negative limiting beliefs as well and these are usually what are stopping us reach our true potential in life.
An example of a negative belief for me has been around money.
My parents were wonderfully good people but we were financially poor so I believed you had to be poor to be good. I also believed you had to work hard to earn money because I saw my father work hard to make ends meet and his favourite saying was “money doesn’t grow on trees"! Through my religious upbringing I also believed money was bad – it was the root of all evil and that it was easier to get to heaven poor than rich.
Realising that my childhood beliefs around money were incorrect I have worked on changing them and as we travel through life I think we continually need to work on changing limiting and negative beliefs that are holding us back.
So, along with your positive beliefs - are you holding onto negative beliefs too that are no longer serving you?
I encourage you to take some time this week to evaluate your beliefs. Who influenced you? What positive beliefs do you have? What negative beliefs do you need to get rid of?
If you're a woman and live in the Bay of Plenty area of New Zealand - then you may like to join me and Jasmine (another inspired spirit life coach) for a one day women's retreat where you can learn some self-help techniques to remove your limiting beliefs and any other stresses out of your life.
The retreat is on Saturday, 11th September from 10am to 4pm at the beautiful and tranquil Matahui Lodge in Katikati. Just email me if you're interested and I can send you full details: bernadette@thejoyfullife.com
Wishing you all a joyful week. Blessings Bernadette

Life's Purpose

Hello again - after a few month's break I'm back! I'm not going to offer any excuses. Life just got in the way - or maybe more accurately - sorting our the best way to fulfil my life purpose got in the way. So today's topic on life's purpose seems pretty appropriate.

Do you know your life's purpose? Or maybe firstly - do you know what life purpose is?

I held a workshop last week on life purpose and what stood out to me is that deep and meaningful questions are not easy for people to answer. So I thought I'd share my thoughts on what life purpose is and maybe get you to start thinking about what life purpose means to you...

Life Purpose is the Universal Law of Dharma. Deepak Chopra sums up life purpose (the law of Dharma) well by breaking it into 3 parts:

1. Discover our true and higher selves. That is knowing we are spiritual beings with a unique aspect of divine life wanting to express itself through us (life purpose) and consciously choosing to live in accordance with this.
2. Identifying our unique talents - our giftedness to the world - and finding ways to express those talents.
3. Putting our talents at the service of humanity - we are living at exactly the right time to express our talents because for each talent we have there is a corresponding need in the world for what we have to offer.

When we identify our talents and match those with the need in the world we align ourselves with infinite source and it's then that we prosper in every sense of the word!

So, believing you're unique, what are your talents? What have you got that only you can give to the world? Are you living your purpose?

My purpose is to show as many people as I can how to live a joyful life! I do this by being a life coach, trainer, speaker and writer - they are my talents! Sure, there are a lot of life coaches, trainers, speakers and writers out there - but each and everyone of us is unique - with our special message to deliver in our special way!

I've been offline for months sorting that one out - but nowI know - you'll be hearing a lot more from me!

Go out and enjoy this "fun" Monday!

Tip 4 to a More Joyful Life

It's nearly the end of another week and time, as usual seems to be racing! We live in a fast world and that's why tip number 4 is not an easy one to achieve - and that's Life Balance. Most of us are living at a frantic pace and spending our valuable time on "urgent" things rather than "important" things. To get balance in our lives we need to focus on what's important in our life, rather than what's urgent. We also need to plan! A great tip I have given numerous clients over the year is to plan their month/week/day "wearing all their different hats"! By this I mean - at the beginning of the month/weekday think about yourself as the "business person" and write what you need to achieve in your diary. Then, take your "business hat" off and put on your "home/family hat" - what do you want to do this week with family or at home? Then it's time to put on your "health hat". What exercises are you going to undertake to stay fit and healthy and full of energy? Hopefully by now you get where I'm coming from. It's important you think about the areas of your life that are important to you - personal development, fun, recreation, loving relationships, money, etc. etc. Most people only diarise business activities and then wonder why their life gets out of kilter. Try filling your life with things that are important to you this week and see how much more joyful your life becomes. Live each day as though it were your last - because one day it will be.

Tip 3 to a More Joyful Life

It's the weekend and I love weekends! No early morning start, extra time to relax with family, time to enjoy my home - the list of things I am grateful for is endless! Have you been practising gratitude since my last blog? I hope so, because if you have, then no doubt you've experienced more joy! My third tip for a more joyful life is to "watch your thoughts". This anonymous poem sums it up best:

Consider your thoughts for they become your words
Consider your words for they become your actions
Consider your actions for they become your habits
Consider your habits for they become your character
Consider your character for it becomes your destiny!

Our minds can only hold one thought at a time - and we get to choose whether that thought is positive or negative. By choosing positive thoughts we can change our words, actions, habits, character and destiny! Thoughts become things - make them great!

Tip 2 to a More Joyful Life

I hope you've taken the time to get to know yourself better and find out what makes your heart sing. Self awareness is definitely the first step to a more joyful life. The second tip I want to pass onto you today is a favourite of mine - and it's to "Live with Gratitude". Too often people focus on what is not right with their lives rather than what is! It's all about perspective! The minute we change our perspective on our life to one of "thanks" our life becomes more joyful. While our lives mightn't be perfect we can still wake up in the morning and give thanks for the bed we've slept in, the roof over our heads, the warm water of our shower, the breakfast we can eat, the car we are driving, the job we have, the people who we love and love us, and on and on and on..... I have a habit of asking myself "what I am grateful for today" every morning. I do this while I'm still lying in bed (it gives me those extra few minutes before I have to put my feet on the floor) and it helps me start the day in a positive way. Again, at the end of the day when I'm back in bed I mentally run through the day and give "thanks" for all the great things that have happened to me. Through focusing on the good things in our lives we automatically attract more good things. Start today to live with gratitude and watch your world change.

Tip 1 to a More Joyful Life

It's another glorious day here in my paradise - Mt Maunganui, New Zealand. It's hard not to be joyful on a beautiful day like today. Helping people find more joy in their life is my passion - and unfortunately - even though the day is magnificent - there are a lot of people out there that are far from joyful. Over the next few blogs I thought I might share some of my personal tips on how to live a more joyful life.... The first is "know yourself and what makes you joyful". I know many of you are saying "how basic is that" - but believe it or not - most people don't really know themselves. Do you know your own strengths? Do you know your top values? Do you really know what things make your heart/soul sing? To help you answer these questions it often helps to look at the opposite - what do you hate? By knowing who you are and what things bring you joy it's easy to put these things into your life on a daily basis - thus increasing your joy every day!

What's Life All About?

This weekend we interred my dad's ashes into the beautiful Schnapper Rock Road cemetery in Albany Auckland. For dad it was his final earthly journey - the end of his road. One of my brother's commented that who would have guessed that when he was born in Indonesia in 1921 (then a Dutch colony) that he would finally be laid to rest in New Zealand. Putting a small box of ashes into the soil makes you appreciate how insignificant our lives on earth are. It's true we start with nothing and leave with nothing. The value of our lives is what we do with our time here or "our dash" - the dash being the little symbol that always appears between the birth and death date of a person. My Dad's "dash" was all about FAITH and FAMILY. He wouldn't have been judged a "success" in business or financial terms but as a caring human being he would have won the top award. One shirt on his back was all he needed - the rest he would give away to anyone and everyone who needed it more! My dad taught me about the power of faith (believing and trusting in a power greater than myself), and family (knowing I belong to a family unit where I am loved and can love in return). His legacy is a beautiful wife, still going strong at 85, 8 children, 7 sons and daughters in law, 20 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren.
This weekend it was a good time for me to reflect on what I want my "dash" to mean to the loved ones I leave behind. Maybe it's a good time for you to have a think too! Are you happy with your "dash" to date? Rest in Peace Dad. Thank You - I've been truly blessed to have you as my dad! Koen Kavermann 17/03/1921 - 17/10/2009.

Life is a Journey

Well, I've taken the plunge and become a blogger! I hear it can be lonely to start with, so there maybe no one that will read this first one, but hey, everyone has to start somewhere! Why am I blogging - well I want to link up with like-minded positive people who are following their dreams and passions and living joyful lives! I believe that's the clue for a joyful life - knowing that life is a JOURNEY - not a destination. So many people believe they're going to be happy when.... they change jobs, get a pay increase, find the perfect partner, win a sports event, etc. etc. etc.... but from what I've seen - that's just not reality! Joy comes from within and the joyful people I've met are the people who have gratitude for where they are today and excitement about what the future holds for them. Do you have a dream? I do - and becoming a blogger is just one small step towards it's fulfillment!